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much to worry about to really enjoy Kevin’s blindness。 I looked back at Fred; wondering if the grossout factor would return; only to see that he was smiling with me。 Smiling; he was really spectacular。 Then the moment was over; and Fred went back to his book。 I didn’t move for a while; waiting for something to happen。 For Diego to e through the door。 Or Riley with Diego。 Or Raoul。 Or for the nausea to hit again; or for Kevin to glare in my direction; or for the next fight to break out。 Something。 When nothing did; I eventually pulled myself together and did what I should have been doingpretending nothing unusual was going on。 I grabbed a book from the pile near Fred’s feet and then sat down right there and acted like I was reading。 It was probably one of the same books I’d pretended to read yesterday; but it didn’t look familiar。 I flipped through the pages; again taking nothing in。 My mind was racing around in tight little circles。 Where was
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Diego? How had Riley reacted to his story? What had it all meant the talk before the cloaks; the talk after the cloaks? I worked through it; going backward; trying to assemble the pieces into a recognizable picture。 The vampire world had some kind of police; and they were damn scary。 This wild group of monthsold vampires was supposed to be an army; and this army was somehow illegal。 Our creator had an enemy。 Strike that; two enemies。 We were going to attack one of them in five days; or else the other ones; the scary cloaks; were going to attack her or us; or both。 We would be trained for this attack… as soon as Riley got back。 I snuck a glance at the door; then forced my eyes back to the page in front of me。 And then the stuff before the visitors。 She was worrying about some decision。 She was pleased that she had so many vampiresso many soldiers。 Riley was happy that Diego and I had survived…。 He’d said he thought he’d lost two more to the sun; so that must mean he didn’t know how vampires really reacted to sunlight。 What she’d said was strange; though。 She’d asked if he was sure。 Sure Diego had survived? Or… sure that Diego’s story was true? The last thought frightened me。 Did she already know that the sun didn’t hurt us? If she did know; then why had she lied to Riley and; through him; to us? Why would she want to keep us in the dark literally? Was it very important to her that we stay ignorant? Important enough to get Diego in trouble? I was working myself into a real panic; frozen solid。 If I still could sweat; I would have been sweating now。 I had to refocus to turn the next page; to keep my eyes
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down。 Was Riley deceived; or was he in on it; too? When Riley’d said he thought he’d lost two more to the sun; did he mean the sun literally… or the lie about the sun? If it was the second option; then to know the truth meant being lost。 Panic scattered my thoughts。 I tried to be rational and make sense of it。 It was harder without Diego。 Having someone to talk to; to interact with; sharpened my ability to concentrate。 Without that; fear sucked at the edges of my thoughts; twisted with the alwayspresent thirst。 The lure of blood was constantly close to the surface。 Even now; decently well fed; I could feel the burn and the need。 Think about her; think about Riley ; I told myself。 I had to understand why they would lie if they were lying so that I could try to figure out what it would mean to them that Diego knew their secret。 If they hadn’t lied; if they’d just told us all that the day was as safe for us as the night; how would that change things? I imagined what it would be like if we didn’t have to be contained in a blackedout basement all day; if the twentyone of usmaybe fewer now; depending on how the hunting parties were getting alongwere free to do what we wanted whenever we wanted to。 We would want to hunt。 That was a given。 If we didn’t have to e back; if we didn’t have to hide… well; many of us wouldn’t e back very regularly。 It was hard to focus on the return while the thirst was in charge。 But Riley had drilled so deeply into all of us the threat of burning; of a
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return of that hideous pain we’d all experienced once。 That was the reason we could stop ourselves。 Selfpreservation; the only instinct stronger than thirst。 So the threat kept us together。 There were other hiding places; like Diego’s cave; but who else thought about that kind of thing? We had a place to go; a base; so we went to it。 Clear heads were not a vampire specialty。 Or; at least; they weren’t the specialty of young vampires。 Riley was clearheaded。 Diego was more clearheaded than I was。 Those cloaked vampires were terrifyingly focused。 I shuddered。 So the routine wouldn’t control us forever。 What would they do when we were older; clearer? It struck me that nobody was older than Riley。 Everyone here was new。 She needed a bunch of us now for this mystery enemy。 But what about afterward? I had a strong feeling that I didn’t want to be around for that part。 And I suddenly realized something stupendously obvious。 It was the solution that had tickled the edges of my understanding before; when I was tracking the vampire herd to this place with Diego。 I didn’t have to be around for that part。 I didn’t have to be around for one more night。 I was a statue again as I thought over this stunning idea。 If Diego and I hadn’t known where the gang was most likely headed; would we ever have found them? Probably not。 And that was a big group leaving a wide trail。 What if it were a single vampire; one who could leap up onto the land; maybe into a tree; without leaving a trail at the edge of the water…。 Just one; or maybe two vampires who could swim as far out to sea as
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they wanted… Who could return to land anywhere… Canada; California; Chile; China… You would never be able to find those two vampires。 They would be gone。 Disappeared like they’d gone up in smoke。 We didn’t have to e back the other night! We shouldn’t have! Why hadn’t I thought of it then? But… would Diego have agreed? I was abruptly not so sure of myself。 Was Diego more loyal to Riley after all? Would he have felt it was his responsibility to stand by Riley? He’d known Riley a lot longer he’d really only known me a day。 Was he closer to Riley than he was to me? I pondered that; frowning。 Well; I would find out as soon as we had a minute alone。 And then maybe; if our secret club really meant something; it wouldn’t matter what our creator had planned for us。 We could disappear; and Riley would have to make do with nieen vampires; or make some new ones quick。 Either way; not our problem。 I couldn’t wait to tell Diego my plan。 My gut instinct was that he would feel the same。 Hopefully。 Suddenly; I wondered if this was what had really happened to Shelly and Steve and the other kids who had disappeared。 I knew they hadn’t burned in the sun。 Had Riley only claimed he’d seen their ashes as another way to keep the rest of us afraid and dependent on him? Returning home to him every dawn? Maybe Shelly and Steve had just set off on their own。 No more Raoul。 No enemies or armies threatening their immediate future。
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Maybe that’s what Riley had meant by lost to the sun。 Runaways。 In which case; he’d be happy that Diego hadn’t bailed; right? If only Diego and I had taken off! We could be free; too; like Shelly and Steve。 No rules; no fear of the sunrise。 Again; I imagined the whole horde of us on the loose without a curfew。 I could see Diego and me moving like ninjas through the shade。 But I could also see Raoul; Kevin; and the rest; sparkling discoball monsters in the center of a busy downtown street; the bodies piling up; the screaming; the helicopters whirring; the soft; helpless cops with their dinky little bullets that wouldn’t make a dent; the cameras; the panic that would spread so fast as the pictures bounced swiftly around the globe。 Vampires wouldn’t be a secret for very long。 Even Raoul couldn’t kill people fast enough to keep the story from spreading。 There was a chain of logic here; and I tried to grasp it before I could be distracted again。 One; humans didn’t know about vampires。 Two; Riley encouraged us to be inconspicuo